The night before opening day
It’s 3:04 AM. Surprisingly my eyes that are generally drooping and ready to be put to rest by 8:30 PM are wide awake, laser focused on getting as much executed as I can before the main event tomorrow. After nursing Asherah to sleep, my routine is to also call it a night and get as much sleep as possible before doing it all again in the morning. But tonight, my mind keeps reminding of the many small tasks that are still floating away from the “completed task” checklist I keep adding more to than removing.
Imposter syndrome sometimes sneaks over the mound of gratitude and appreciation that I’ve nestled calmly behind. For the past couple of weeks as renovations have come to a point of completion and the storefront has transformed more into the experience and marvel I envisioned it could be, rather than a never ending funnel of possibilities and ideas; I find myself silently questioning if I can carry my own dream. When I’m bold enough to share everything I see for Rooted MKE as it grows, a piece of me secretly feels like my dream is too big and too bold for one introvert with two-young children who need their mother. While I know that what I have to offer is valuable, important and mission-based; The fear of the unknown can be stifling.
Living out a dream that I’ve held on to and manifested after 14 years, and leading a team towards the goals and vision of Rooted MKE is honestly a little scary. Failure is not the root of my fear; As a 34 year old I have already decided definitively that I want to live a full life free of regret. My uneasiness stems from my concern of drifting unrecognizably far from my core values to scale and grow. What is critical to me is always centering what Rooted MKE is about; uplifting BIPOC experiences and voices through storytelling, exploration and literacy. Tonight, I am holding myself accountable to my dream. The little dream that kept me encouraged on the darkest of days.
I reflect back to all of the opportunities I’ve encountered that have led me to this point. I am capable, my dream is more real everyday that I live it out. I have gleefully shared the goals, vision and mission of Fortune 500 companies and nationally recognized non-profits with no hesitation. My own dream deserves even more of my talents and abilities to implement. Imagine the impact that Rooted MKE could make in my City if I led with as much passion and intensity as I’ve activated for other.
Tomorrow is the beginning of the next stage in my journey.